


This World You Must Have Crossed

by towardstheair



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2010-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardstheair/pseuds/towardstheair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Kris goes to Boston to for Adam. </em>Fills my <a href="http://kradingo.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://kradingo.livejournal.com/"><b>kradingo</b></a>  card prompt for randoms: boston.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This World You Must Have Crossed

There are a few things Kris promised himself over the last few months that he wouldn't do. He promised himself that he wouldn't get hung up over the fact that he is 26 and divorced, that he seems to be incapable of dating and that he hasn't spoken to Adam in six months. According to Cale, the whole being divorced thing really isn't a big deal; he keeps giving Kris statistics about how many marriages fail. It's Cale's attempt of trying to make Kris feel better about the whole thing. He appreciates the effort but it's not really working. The whole dating thing is just embarrassing. Kris is starting to think that he just isn't a good date. He feels awkward, uncomfortable and mostly uninterested in the people he is dating. He thought to start with it was them, but after 7 failed dates due to the same thing, it's not them, it's a pattern. The girls are perfectly fine, pretty and attentive – Kris just isn't interested. He decided that he just isn't ready to date, that's far easier than facing up to the real problem.

Adam. _Adam_ is something else entirely. It's partly his fault. Okay, mostly his fault. He backed Adam into a corner, literally and metaphorically, and the weeks without returning calls turned into months and now Kris has just stopped trying. That's why he is more than surprised when he wakes up to a voice mail and text message from Adam. See... the thing is, Adam is a pretty funny guy, not in a slap stick, roll-around-until-your-stomach-aches funny-- well there was that one time-- but Kris's point is that if things were “normal” between him and Adam, Kris would totally laugh this off as Adam being funny. But things aren't “normal” and they aren't speaking, so Kris has no idea what to do with this.

It's confusing because the voice mail is... well, it's a jumbled, sad, panicked, desperate plea from Adam to come and meet him. Adam doesn't manage to get out where he is and the last thing Kris hears is his name and it's enough that Kris is ready to start booking flights to wherever Adam needs him to be. Then he reads the text message and he goes back to the whole thing being a joke. Because there is no way surely that Adam would send him an address that ends in England, UK. Is there? Kris listens to the voice mail again, the voice mail that says nothing at all and yet so much from the pain in Adam's voice and he has no idea what to do. The first thing he thinks is that he should call Adam's mom because moms know everything. Then he thinks maybe he should call his mom, just because she is good in high stress situations and Kris feels pretty damn stressed. The problem is, both of those calls would result in two moms being unnecessarily worried. Adam didn't sound like he was close to death or anything, just sad and maybe a bit drunk. It wouldn't be the first time he got a sad drunken call from Adam. It's definitely the first time Adam asked him to come find him in England though.

He doesn't know when, but in between all of Kris's inner dialogue he has managed to scribble down the address on a post it note and text his PR to see about getting a last minute plane ticket to London. He has no idea how he is going to explain this away. He may not have any promotion or touring to do right now but he thinks some questions might get asked about him running off to London when he is supposed to be writing. But that is the perfect excuse; he knows people in London and he can easily lie and say he is going to visit them or what's wrong with just telling the truth? _“I got a freaked out message from Adam and now I'm going to find him.”_ Yeah, that just sounds ridiculous. Kris decides the lie is the better option and it's exactly what he texts back when his PR replies with _“Why?”._

  
–

  
This whole thing is completely stupid is what it is. He can't believe he is at Heathrow airport, with a post it note telling him where to find Adam Lambert. It's just insane. He can't even say that it seemed like a good idea at the time because how in the world of good ideas was this a _good idea?_ He has been to Heathrow before but he had someone to follow then and a car waiting outside the airport to take him directly to the hotel. Kris starts to panic because he is in a strange country where he doesn't know anyone and he may be freaking out a little bit.

He should have looked online to find out exactly where he has to go. He should have called someone else and told them what he was doing. He should have thought this crazy idea through. There are two women standing by the doors who look friendly enough, welcoming people as they walk into the airport. He figures that if he can find out exactly where he needs to go, this will be a whole lot easier. He isn't completely incompetent; it's just different after a couple of years of having people plan this kind of stuff for you to finally have to do it for yourself. They are friendly, bordering on flirty but Kris doesn't really care if it means he can find out where he needs to be. They do laugh at him when he asks how far it will take him to his destination of Boston, Lincolnshire. Maybe it's the way he reads it off his post it note. He'd probably laugh too if the roles were reversed.

It turns out that it's going to involve a train journey and they point him in the direction of where he can get some cash and then hail a cab. The cab costs a ridiculous amount of money and takes what feels like four hours. London traffic and an obnoxious driver are just more things Kris hadn't anticipated. Not that he had any kind of expectations for what this was going to be like. There would have to be planning involved to have expectations and it's perfectly clear there was zero planning here.

Kings Cross train station is even busier than Heathrow was, or maybe it just feels like it. There are people everywhere and Kris just wants to find someone to buy a ticket from and direct him to the train he needs to be on. At the moment, he is just being pulled along by the crowd and he can't really see anything because of course he would be surrounded by giants. He finally sees the ticket sign and manages to wriggle himself out of crowd. The line is long, of course it is, so he takes the ten minutes he has waiting in line to text his mom, brother and Cale. He is tired and has no idea what the time is; for all he knows he might be texting them at 4am. But at least he is texting them.

When he finally gets to the start of the queue, a happy young girl calls him forward and he frantically starts talking and waving his stupid post it note around on his finger. She smiles and pulls it off, looking down at it and then typing quickly into her computer. She tells him that there is a train in half hour and that he has to change once. She prints everything out for him and circles and underlines things. Kris nods and smiles; he really wants to jump over the counter and hug her but that would be kind of inappropriate so instead he says thank you about a million times and follows the smell of coffee. He buys himself a croissant and a black, two sugars and walks over to where everyone is standing around.

There are two large screens with all scheduled departing trains. When the platform appears on the screen people move like crazy. Kris nearly topples over more than once. He kind of wants to laugh at how ridiculous they all look, running as if their lives depend on getting the train. It doesn't stop him from running like crazy to get his train though; it must be one of those if-you-can't-beat-them-join-them things. He manages to get a seat and even though it is far from being comfortable, it feels like heaven right now. He only has an hour on this train and he is afraid he'll fall asleep and wake up in wherever this train's final destination is. He has to get off at some place called Grantham, change platforms and then wait half an hour before the next train leaves. He tries to call Adam a few times but it goes straight to voice mail.

The carriage is busy and noisy. There has to be at least five families all with children under 3 and they are taking it in turns to see who can scream the loudest. There are a few groups of teenagers all laughing and talking loudly and Kris just can't get over what a complete idiot he is. He just travelled all day to England to come and see Adam because he asked him to in a drunken voice mail. This has got to be the craziest thing he has ever done. Why didn't he just call Adam before he left? He leans forward and bangs his head a few times on the chair in front of him. The train pulled out of the station a while ago and it is now heading into the English countryside. He seriously contemplates getting off the train at the next stop and going back to London. He flips open his phone and looks down at the text message. He thinks about Adam alone in a hotel room, miserable and probably still drunk for whatever reason, and that is why he is doing it.

“Ticket please?”

Kris looks up and finds a bald, miserable man looking at him expectantly. Kris rummages awkwardly in his pocket and pulls out the crumpled ticket. The man flattens it, scribbles on it and then hands it back to Kris without a word. Kris sighs and tries to block out the noise of the carriage. It's an impossible task as the train seems to get louder and louder every station they stop at. Kris leans forward against the seat in front again and tries not to think.

–

Grantham station is a breath of fresh air. Kris practically runs to get off the train. The platform is quiet and as the train he got off from pulls away he feels like jumping up in the air out of relief. There is a small coffee stand and he has half an hour to kill so he wanders over. The guy behind the counter is blonde and kind of cute. He smiles shyly at Kris and makes small talk. It's nice after the craziness of London and the cramped train to be here and talk to someone who seems happy and well, normal. Kris is about to wander off and find his platform when the cute guy stops him.

“Are you... you're Kris Allen right?”

Kris wasn't expecting that. He was sure no one would have any idea who he was here. “Ahm... yeah.”

The guys face lights up with a smile. “I'm such a huge fan. I have been since you won Idol.”

Kris is always awkward in these situations, even when he is doing meet and greets. He loves meeting fans; he just never knows quite what to say. “Thank you... that means a lot. Especially seeing as you are probably my only fan here.”

Cute guy laughs nervously. “No! You have loads of fans here! There's a group of us... they won't believe this. Can I... can I just ask, why are you _here_?”

“I'm... I'm visiting a friend.”

“I don't suppose... could I have a picture? I just... no one's going to believe me if I don't get a picture.”

Kris can't say no. This guy is too nice and too cute to say no to. He nods and the guy runs out quickly from behind the stand with his camera. Kris puts his arm around his shoulder and smiles widely, he must look like shit. “What's your name?”

“Peter.”

Kris smiles. “It was good to meet you, Peter. You're my favourite person I've met in England so far.”

The smile on Peter's face says that he is very happy with that, he chats for a while before a queue starts forming and he has to go back to work. He waves goodbye and Kris decides to go find his platform. The train arrives ten minutes late but it's nothing compared to what Kris has gone through earlier, so he sits down on a bench and waits. It's a nice day and he finally manages to figure out what time it is. _2.34pm_. He can't quite figure out if that feels right in his brain because it's all muddled up with tiredness. When the train finally pulls up, the platform is a lot busier than when Kris got there. The train is only two carriages and Kris accepts he is about to have another hour and a half cramped in.

–

By the time he gets off the train at _Boston_ , it's raining. Heavily. He has to climb up the stairs over the top of the train tracks because that's where everyone else seems to be going and he has no idea where to go. When he gets to the other platform, there is no one around. He follows the sign to get tickets but it leads him to a door with a sign that says “closes at 15.30pm every day”. He noticed a small café called Shunters and he heads back down there to ask for directions to the hotel Adam gave him the address to.

It's a strange looking kind of café. A few scattered tables and chairs, sofas and a large bar in the corner of the room. When he looks past the bar, he can see it leads into more seating areas. There is a blonde woman behind the bar who smiles at him and an old man in the corner who shouts “Good morning” and waves at him like they are best friends. Kris waves back like an idiot because maybe people are just friendly here.

“What can I get ya?”

“Ahm... I need directions to this hotel?”

Kris holds out the piece of paper and the woman looks at him and then back to the paper. “Do you know Boston?”

“Never been here before in my life.”

“You'll be better off getting a taxi then. They park out front here.” She points unenthusiastically to the window where Kris can see a couple of cabs lined up waiting. He thanks the woman and turns to leave, the crazy man in the corner waves at him again and says “Good night.” - Kris waves back again and smiles before leaving.

When Kris manages to work his way around the building to get to where the cabs are, the two drivers are smoking a cigarette and talking to each other. When one of them spots Kris, he tells him to get it and throws his cigarette down.

“Where you off to?” The driver says as he gets in the car.

“I need to get to here...” Kris reads the post it. “New England Hotel.”

“Okay. So you're American?”

Kris nods. “Yeah.”

“What brings you to Boston then?”

“Visiting a friend.”

“They live here, do they?”

Why is it that cab drivers, no matter what country you are in, always want to make small talk? Kris really wants to just drive in silence and be anti-social; surely he should be allowed to do that after all the travelling he has done. Mind you, this guy can't possibly know that.

“No, he... he kind of called me yesterday and asked me to meet him here. So I got on a plane and well... here I am.” Kris catches the drivers eyes widen and express something along the lines of -what the hell is this guy doing?- and Kris can't exactly say anything because the guy has a point. The whole situation is crazy. If someone else were doing this he'd probably laugh in their face.

Kris looks out the window and directly in front of him is quite possibly the most beautiful church he has ever seen in his life. If he ignores the beat down houses on either side of him and focuses only on the church in front it is the most perfect setting. “Woah.”

“Yeah... it's alright, isn't it?”

Then they turn a corner and Kris can't see it anymore. They are in a more built-up area, a busy street with lots of restaurants and stores. There are lots of cars along both sides of the street and people milling around. It doesn't quite fit in with the view of the church he just saw. The cab weaves its way through the traffic. There are more and more restaurants and then they turn a corner and Kris can see the church again as they drive over a bridge. The river is high up on the bank and it just makes for the most perfect view.

“They will be closing off the town tomorrow. The May Fair will be here. Your friend picked a good time to call you here.”

Kris wonders if Adam knows about the fair, not that Kris thinks it's a reason why Adam would be here. But he does know that as soon as Adam hears about it, he will want to go. They head out onto a more main road and Kris takes in the old-looking buildings; some derelict, others beautifully kept. Kris can't quite get used to the roads or being on the other side of the road more specifically. The cab driver talks continuously and points things out to Kris. He just smiles and mutters “uh huhs” every now and then. Kris has to admit, he can't quite figure out why Adam would come here. Not that it isn't beautiful, but it's small and out of the way and so _not_ Adam. Self admittedly, Adam likes lights and the feeling of being surrounded by a constant buzz of people.

They turn near a parking lot and Kris feels like he has just gone round in a circle. “Are we...”

“That's the main shopping street there.” The driver gestures ahead, Kris can see where the road changes to pedestrian access and a few shops scattered either side. “There's a park just up there on the right too. They usually put a few rides in there when the fair comes in.”

They turn again and the driver is of course still talking. “These two car parks...” Either side of them are full parking lots. “All get closed and they have rides in there too. It's a pretty big deal. You picked a good place to stay, right in the action.”

They pull up to the hotel, a red brick building with white letters “New England Hotel” - Kris is so relieved to be here. Finally. But he has the feeling he isn't going to rest for a while yet. It has been a day so he doesn't think he'll find Adam in as bad a state as he sounded on the phone, but he thinks he can't just walk in the room say hi to Adam and then pass out on the bed.

He pays the driver who is still talking and Kris is of course polite, his mama raised him well. The driver thinks he is pretty funny and Kris goes along and laughs with some of the things he says even though he really has no idea what he is talking about. The driver lets him go eventually, after insisting that Kris takes a card for the cab company and promising to check out the fair. He does both, quickly.

The hotel reception is quiet and warm. The walls are beige and the soft lighting make Kris feel sleepy. They are decorated with several pictures of different places in Boston -- the river, the church, which from reading the plaque underneath one of pictures Kris learns is called “The Stump” and is the tallest church in England. There is no one at the front desk, but there is a bell and Kris rings it and waits.

A young brunette girl pokes her head from round the door behind the desk and smiles. “Hi. Welcome to the New England. Are you booking in?”

“Yeah... kind of. Look, my friend is staying here and he called me yesterday and asked me to come here. All he gave me was this address. I don't suppose if I gave you his name, you could give me his room number? I mean I'll get my own room... I just need to find my friend...”

“We aren't allowed to give out room numbers, Sir.”

Kris nods. “I figured. I'll try calling him again.”

Kris grabs his phone out of his pocket and finds Adam's number. Straight away from somewhere he recognises the sound of Adam's ring tone. He'd know Adam's Gaga ring tone anywhere. Kris looks around like an idiot because he can't figure out where it's coming from.

“I think it's coming from the bar. Is you friend... tall, dark hair... kinda hot?” The girl smiles.

Kris nods. “Yeah, that'll be him. Thanks.”

Kris spies Adam sitting at the bar. He is dressed down: dark blue jeans, white t-shirt. Kris doesn't really realise until right this moment just how much he has missed Adam. He didn't know that coming here was just as much for himself as it was for being here for Adam. He just can't stop thinking about the last time they saw each other and the shit storm that he started that night. He cares less about the media reaction and more about how Adam had avoided all his calls and just sent one text saying they needed to avoid each other for a while.

That's the problem when you kiss someone at a big Hollywood party where there are hundreds of people and even more people with cameras. Kris doesn't regret kissing Adam though, it was the best thing he has ever done in his life. He had never felt so brave and sure of something than he had in that moment, so he can't regret something that amazing. He does regret if he hurt Adam; he does regret learning that Adam clearly didn't want to kiss Kris. Which really, Kris was stupid to think he would. There is a big difference between having a crush on someone a year ago and wanting to kiss them. Kris, for some reason, thought that it translated into the same thing. But whatever passing feelings Adam had for Kris vanished a long time ago, if they were ever really there to begin with.

Adam gets up off the stool by the bar and he sees Kris instantly. “Kris? What are you doing here?”

Kris really hopes this is Adam doing that whole being funny thing again because after what he has just done to get here he could actually slap Adam right now. “What... are you kidding me?”

Then Adam smiles. _Smiles._ His whole face lighting up at the sight of Kris and that's just annoying because Kris wishes Adam wouldn't look at him like that. Not if he doesn't want Kris. It's not fair that Adam can be so happy just by Kris's presence but want them to avoid each other. Then Adam is hugging him and it's really easy for Kris to forget that he is supposed to be mad at Adam. Adam smells good, like vanilla and hair product. Kris sighs against Adam's chest. “I can't believe you're here... Kris. This is so freaking freaky...”

Kris pulls back. It really sounds like Adam is _shocked_ to see him here. Really? “Adam, you called me and asked me to come here.”

Adam laughs. “What? No I didn't.”

“Yes. You did. You left me a voice mail and sent me a text with the address to this hotel.”

 _“When?”_ Adam puts his hands on his hips, like he is challenging Kris to prove it.

Kris dials his voice mail and hands Adam his phone. The expressions that read across Adam's face as he listens would be hilarious if Kris wasn't so pissed off about the fact that Adam has no idea that he asked Kris, no, _begged_ Kris to come here.

“Shit... Kris...”

“Does anyone else even know you're here?”

“What?”

“I thought you were touring.”

Adam hands him back his phone and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I was, but we had like a week-long break and I figured... I love being around everyone okay but I just needed some time away. We were in Birmingham and I thought you know... I have all this time and it'd be nice to have a break away from everyone else. So I hired a car and... took off.”

 _“You took off?”_

Kris can't believe he is hearing this. Right now, there are probably people wondering where Adam is. Wondering what the hell he is doing. But then again, people are probably thinking the same thing about him.

“I just... I wanted some time.” Adam sounds sad and for the first time Kris really looks at Adam's face. There's something missing and Kris can't figure out what it is.

“So no one knows where you are?”

Adam shakes his head. “No.”

“I'm calling Tommy.” Adam starts to move forward in protest but Kris holds up his hands. “I'm not _telling_ on you. But someone needs to know that you aren't lying in a ditch somewhere, okay?”

“I'll get us both a drink.”

Kris thinks that Adam probably doesn't need another drink, but he nods anyway and heads back to the reception. Tommy answers quickly. “Kris Allen.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff.” They greet each other by saying each other's full names. It's a thing.

“What's up?”

“I'm guessing you lost Adam recently?”

“Well, I didn't lose him personally no. But yeah everyone's been freaking out about it. I told them he probably just took off for some alone time or whatever... so he's with you?”

“Yeah... well kind of.”

“Where are you guys?”

“In some place called Boston... Lincolnshire. Look, when does he need to be back with you guys?”

“We're playing in Manchester on Friday night.”

“What day is it today?”

“Sunday.”

“Okay. Do me a favour, text me the venue details and I'll make sure Adam gets there.”

“We have a hotel in Manchester, we're playing three shows.”

“Well, when you know where you're staying text me that too.”

“Is he okay?”

Kris sighs and steps back so he can see Adam. “I don't know.”

“Why... why are you there? I mean I'm glad you are, if anyone can talk to him, it's you but...”

“He called me last night and left me a message asking me to come here.”

“So you just dropped everything and flew to England?”

Kris doesn't answer that because it should be very clear that is exactly what he did. But when Tommy says it like that it sounds so ridiculous, just to hear out of someone else's mouth because that is exactly what he did.

“You really care about him don't you?” Tommy sounds curious.

“Of course I do.”

“Take care of him.”

Kris mutters goodbye and makes his way back over to Adam, who has already finished his drink and Kris's. Kris sighs. He wants to talk to Adam but he needs a room and a shower, and preferably a bed to sleep on. “Adam, come on...”

Kris pulls his arm and Adam follows him easily. “Where are we going?”

“I'm getting a room and I'm going to sleep and then we are going to talk.”

“You don't need to get a room, we can share...”

Kris stops in the reception and looks at Adam. He isn't that drunk, just tipsy. Sober enough for the offer to be serious and genuine. When Kris looks at the front desk, it's empty again and he knows it's going to take a while to book in and he just really wants a bed.

“Fine.”

“Great.” Adam smiles and marches off in front of him. “I got the Honeymoon suite.”

“Why exactly?”

Adam shrugs. “It was their best room and I wanted to be comfortable.”

It could have a mattress and nothing else for all Kris cares right now. Adam runs up the stairs quickly with his stupid long legs and Kris might pause a few times to appreciate the view of Adam from behind. What can he say? He may be tired but Adam Lambert is kind of distracting.

The room is heaven and Kris collapses down on the bed and blocks out the sounds of Adam moving around the room. If he really thinks about it too hard he is going to start feeling the awkward tension between them that will inevitably come.

“Kris... I can't believe you came here. That message... I was drunk and I don't even remember calling you. I feel bad that I dragged you all the way here and...”

Kris sits up and kicks his shoes off before leaning against the head board. “I was worried about you. You sounded upset in that message and if... if the situations were reversed I'd want you to come find me.”

Adam's face softens. “I'm sorry...”

Kris holds up his hands. “Adam... I want to talk about this I really do. But... I'm running on about 2 hours sleep here. You mind if I crash and we carry this on later?”

Adam nods. “Sure.”

Kris shrugs off his jacket and pulls off his t-shirt. He gets under the sheets and tugs down his jeans. “Don't go anywhere.”

“I won't.”

Kris lies down and listens to the sound of Adam moving around the room quietly. He hears the sound of the shower after a while and then the TV. It must take him a long time to fall asleep, either that or he is floating in and out of sleep. He thinks he feels the bed move at some point but after that he is gone.

–

When Kris wakes up, it's pitch black in the room. He glances over at the clock on the night stand, the red light glaring at him. _3:44am_. Kris switches on the lamp and looks to his left. Adam is sprawled out on his back, the sheets riding low on his waist. Kris heard about Adam getting his nipples pierced and not that his opinion was even relevant but he wasn't sure he would like them. But up close in the soft light, he likes the way the silver bars shine. Kris licks his lips and tries to reason with himself that leaning down and licking at the metal bar would be a really bad idea.

He pulls off the sheets covering himself and gets out the bed quietly, pulling on his jeans. He suddenly feels wide awake and really hungry. There's a dresser with a few candy bars and Kris can't figure out why Adam would have candy bars because it's so unlike him. Adam is the one who gave him a very long lecture about the importance of not eating too many candy bars. He rips open one of the packets and eats it within seconds, if Adam is eating them he isn't going to feel bad that he is too.

He pads over to the window and pulls back the curtain slightly. It looks completely different to how it did when he first arrived. There are rides in the place of where the cars were once parked. Most of them are covered over by large plastic sheets. Kris feels like going for a walk, getting some fresh air. He is wide awake now so there is no chance of getting back to sleep. When he turns around, Adam is sitting up in bed, the sheets pulled around him and he's staring down at his fingers.

“I can't believe you came all this way for me.”

“I don't know why you're surprised. I think I made it pretty clear how I feel about you.”

“Kris...”

“It's okay, Adam. I know you don't feel the same way but... you're still my friend and I wanted to see you.” Kris smiles. “How else am I going to see you other than this? You're either touring all over the world or ignoring my calls.”

“That was a really shitty thing for me to do.”

“It was.”

Adam finally looks at Kris, his face tormented. “I didn't... it wasn't like I planned to ignore you. I just got really busy after...”

“I kissed you in front of hundreds of people.”

“Yeah that.” Adam clears his throat. “I kept wanting to call you but the longer I left it, the more awkward it got and then I convinced myself that maybe you didn't want me to call.”

“I'll always want you to call.”

“I was insensitive to your feelings. You just took me by surprise... I didn't ever think about you... I mean at first maybe but it was... it's like it wasn't relevant you know? It didn't matter that I thought you were cute because you were married and my friend. That's just who you were in my life, Kris Allen my best friend.”

Kris sighs because this has to be the story of his life. Always the best friend. He nods anyway, because he does understand what Adam is saying. It doesn't stop him from wanting to prove to Adam just how un-straight he is and also how easily they could fall into more than friends. He isn't going to pathetically beg though; he'll just have to get over it. The look on Adam's face is aggravating him though. He came here to help Adam and it looks like Adam wants to give him some speech about how everything is going to be okay and he will eventually move on. Kris does not want to hear that.

“So... what's up with you?”

Adam paints on a fake smile. “I'm fine. I just got really drunk that night and apparently made random phone calls...”

“Bullshit. What's wrong?”

Adam sighs and throws himself down on the bed dramatically. The sheets fall low on Adam's waist again and Kris has to really concentrate on what Adam is saying because there is that damn distracting thing again.

“I just... sometimes I feel like I'm in this little ball being watched by everyone and all I want to do is burst it and run away. And I was standing there outside the bus, waiting to get on with the rest of them and I could hear everyone talking about me, saying all these amazing things but it was like I wasn't even there.”

Kris shuffles over to the bed and lies down next to Adam. The closeness is distracting too but at least if he is lying down, he can't really see Adam.

“I know what you're thinking – poor whiny Adam touring all over the world and still bitching about his life... I _love_ what I do, Kris – more than anything, you know that. But sometimes I just want to go out and make mistakes and not have someone judging my every single move. If I go to a party everyone knows about it... I miss being invisible.”

Kris has to laugh at that. “I don't think you've ever been invisible.”

“You know what I mean...” Adam shuffles closer, Kris dare not look but he thinks Adam maybe on his side facing Kris now. “You know before when you could just go out with your friends and no one but them knew who you were and you could act like an idiot...”

“I still do that.”

“I know you do... I wish I was more like you.”

Kris shakes his head. “Why would you want to be more like me?”

“You never give yourself enough credit...” Adam's voice is disapproving.

“I am well aware of myself, Adam. I may be out there making music but I am completely ordinary. It's who I am, I won't stand out, I won't cause controversy – not all of us are made that way.” Kris is well aware of the bitter edge to his voice. He has never minded the fact that he blends in. In fact, he has always been comfortable with it but since realising he is in love with Adam, his perception has altered. He feels unworthy of having someone like Adam love him back and that's exactly the reason why Adam never will.

“You are so wrong.”

Kris knows if given any more encouragement Adam is going to start saying things to prove that Kris is wrong. It's not something that Kris can hear right now. He can't listen to Adam tell him all the things he thinks make Kris amazing because it's too hard to hear. Kris gets hopeful, he starts to believe that maybe Adam feels the same way which is stupid. Adam made it perfectly clear that Kris's feelings were not reciprocated.

“I need more sleep.” Kris hopes his voice shuts off the conversation. He knows that Adam doesn't want it to end there. But he isn't doing anymore talking tonight.

  
–

When Kris wakes up Adam is already dressed and eating breakfast by the window. Kris tries to push down the feeling of how nice it is to wake up having Adam be the first thing he sees, but when Adam smiles at him over his cup of coffee it's really hard to fight it.

“Morning. I ordered breakfast – I wasn't sure how much longer you'd be sleeping so they delivered it to the room. Normally I go downstairs and eat in the restaurant but...”

“What are we having?” Adam was getting kind of rambly and it was much better that Kris cut him off because it was just too adorable. He forgot how Adam could get like that sometimes, all nervous and blabbering. It isn't something that happened very often, Kris maybe the only person to ever see him act that way.

“Toast with Jam. There is lots of Jam. Strawberry, Apricot, Peach, Blackcurrant...”

Kris smiles. “I think I get it.”

“So I kind of have an idea of what we can do today...”

“Let me guess... it involves the fair.”

Adam's smile is wide and excited, like a kid's. Enchanting and colourful and Kris is completely powerless. “Eat some breakfast. I have a feeling we are going to need a lot of energy for today.”

Kris sits down in the chair opposite Adam, he can see out of the window and there is already people outside walking around all the rides. In the distance he can see what must be at least 20 white tents with stalls set up in each of them. Kris really hopes there is going to be candy.

When he turns back Adam is adding sugar to a cup of coffee and passing it to Kris. “It's still milk, two sugars right?” Kris nods, trying to hide the happiness that Adam can still remember how he takes his coffee. Then Adam passes him the Strawberry Jam because he knows that Kris won't want to try any of the other flavours. It's so hard for Kris to not feel everything that he shouldn't be when he looks at Adam.

They eat in silence. The unfinished conversation from last night hanging over their heads. Adam doesn't speak again until the food is all gone and the coffee is cold.

“How long can you stay, Kris?”

“We need to get you to Manchester by Friday for the show... I'll go back after that I guess.”

“Maybe you could stay for the show? You haven't seen one yet and I'd like you to.”

Kris nods. “I can do that.”

Adam smiles and turns to look out the window. Kris watches him for a little while. He looks different from yesterday, there had been so much tension in his body. His face looked harsh and full of lines. Today he looks relaxed and calm. Kris gets up without saying anything and goes to shower hoping it will wake him up for whatever Adam has planned.

–

Kris is kind of a dork about a lot of things. Even impromptu trips to England, so before Adam can even start talking about rides Kris drags him along to tourist information so he can learn more about where they are. Adam bitches about it the whole walk there, but then as they walk back through the town he listens intently as Kris talks.

“Did you know the May Fair has been coming to Boston since 1125?”

Adam never actually answers but he doesn't look pissed off anymore just interested and taking everything in.

“Did you know the church is one of the country's largest Parish Church's and it has the fourteenth highest church tower in England? It's approximately 272 feet and it was begun being built in 1309.”

Adam surprises Kris by laughing. “I forgot how much of a dork you are about this stuff.”

“Am not.” Kris flicks through his guide to Boston defensively.

“You so are. I remember on the Idol tour you had to make sure you got a souvenir from every place we stopped.”

He did do that. And he was already planning sitting in bed tonight, putting on the TV in the hotel room and reading further in depth on the history of Boston. “I just like learning new things and I'm here so I might as well...”

“It wasn't a criticism. Sorry... I think it's cute.”

Kris stops, they are finally in front of the Church. It looks even more beautiful up close, the old buildings around it blending in perfectly but still not overshadowing it enough so it doesn't stand out. Because it does, there is a small brick wall around its entirety, grass surrounding it and a path leading to the main door. Kris realises that they can walk all the way around the church and come full circle. He starts walking and Adam follows closely behind. He pauses briefly at the path leading to the door then carries on.

“Do you want to go in? I can go find something...”

“ _No._ I mean... no it's fine.”

The river backs onto the Church and Kris leans against the wall, he can see now where the taxi drove him across the other side of the river. Before they leave he wants to take Adam over there and see it from that side, because it really is something spectacular.

“I know you love all this... but _please_ can we go on some rides now?”

“Fine. But when you scream like a girl don't yell at me for laughing.”

“I do not scream like a girl.”

Kris nods. “Sure you don't.”

Adam can't keep up his irritation with Kris because he spots one of the rides he got all excited about earlier and pulls Kris along. It's one of the things Kris loves and admires about Adam the most really. He is impulsive and acts off the first feeling he has towards something, he is never guarded or locked away – it's all out there in the open for everyone to see. It's probably why Adam's rejection cut so deep. Adam has no filter and Kris saw the look on Adam's face after he kissed him. It wasn't realisation or joy, it was a look of someone who was trying to figure out how to let someone down easy.

The ride doesn't look too bad. It's called “Waltzers” - it's pitch black apart from neon lights across the walls and stuck on the carriages. From what Kris can see the ride spins around and then one of the workers at the fair comes and spins the carriage as well. Kris is happy they decided to eat after the fair.

Adam does scream like a girl, and not just on the first ride but the second, third, fourth... yeah pretty much every single ride they go on. Even the Dodgems which is just them banging into other cars and each other. Kris of course reminds him continuously throughout the night, liking the way Adam smiles and leans against him playfully. Kris tries really hard not to let himself get caught up in it all, but it's so hard when it's just him and Adam. They laugh like they haven't done in such a long time, Adam wins a goldfish and names it Tommy because he swears he saw it pouting at him. Adam is devastated when Kris reminds him that he can't take the fish back to the States so Adam makes a list of all the people he knows in England who would be a suitable parent to Tommy. It's all just unbelievably hilarious and random. Kris doesn't want it to end.

He knows for certain he is too caught up when they get to the last ride. It's called “Xtreme” - all Kris can tell is that the ride is crazy amounts of high, and the carriage is lifted high into the air as it spins around at the same time. He doesn't usually mind rides but this one makes him feel uncertain. But Adam grabs his hand suddenly and he is looking at Kris with these tired kind of dreamy eyes and Kris can't back out now. He knows there isn't much he wouldn't do for Adam. It frightens him sometimes just how much power there is in that. He is sure it can't be healthy, that he would go against his own judgement just to please someone else. He knows it's bordering on pathetic and needy, but he has been clinging onto the hope of more than friendship with Adam for so long that now he will take any small signs that point to it happening.

The ride stops at the highest point and when Kris looks over to Adam he expects to see the back of Adam's head, taking everything in. Instead, Adam is looking directly at him; happy and slightly scared.

“Thank you for coming here. I didn't realise... it's like now that you are here I realise just how much I wanted it.”

It's moments like this when Kris hangs on the balance of loving and hating Adam. He doesn't know how someone's words can fill him with such warmth but leave him with such anger as well. It's like Adam doesn't understand the implications of what he is saying, he doesn't get that it means everything to Kris to hear Adam say that.

“I'm sorry for how I left things, Kris. I never should have just walked out of the party like that. I was just so surprised and...”

“You don't need to apologise. If anyone does it's me – I really picked the wrong place for confessions of love.”

It's everything they already said last night and it's exactly what Kris expected. He can hope for a resolve of this all he likes, but he doesn't think he'll ever get it. He just needs to move on, it's so hard when your expectations have been put to the level of Adam Lambert though.

“Love?”

“What?”

“Did you say confessions of love?”

“Yeah...”

“I... I didn't know that.”

“You didn't know what? That I love you? Where have you been?” Kris struggles a laugh and the rides juts back to life. It spins faster and faster, pulling them through the air but they are both dead silent and Adam won't look away from Kris, his eyes focused and intrusive.

–

By the time Adam has bought one of every single piece of candy the stalls have to offer, it's late and most of the rides have started to close down. They walk through the remaining people still hanging around, Adam passes Kris candy Adam knows he likes every now and then. Other than that the walk back to the hotel is mostly in silence. When they step out of the main shopping area Kris remembers the taxi driver telling him about the park, and he drags Adam along, ignoring his questions.

It's hard to see much of the park in the darkness, but a road runs around the whole thing with houses all surrounding it. Kris can see a couple of rides near the main entrance, already closed for the night. Behind them he can see a play area with a slide and a roundabout. When he sees the swings, he pulls Adam along again.

“I used to hate these things... I still do.” Adam mutters squeezing himself onto the swing next to Kris. “Like I need to be reminded that I have a fat ass.”

“There's nothing wrong with your ass. So shut up.” Kris hates it when Adam puts himself down. He has seen Adam when he was younger and he was nothing but adorable, yeah he loves the way Adam looks now but no matter what he looked like he would still be Adam. Kris wishes he could get Adam to see that.

“You're too good to me. I don't deserve someone like you in my life.”

“That's... stupid.”

“No it's not, Kris.” Adam shakes his head. “I mean, you're here for a start. How many people can say they have a friend who would drop everything like that?”

Friend. _Friend_. Kris hates himself right now. “That's not why I came here though. I didn't come here to be a good friend. I came here because I love you and I was worried about you.”

“You need to stop saying that.”

“What? That I'm in love with you? Why?”

“Because...”

“Because what? You don't want to hear it? You don't want to have the awkward conversation where you tell me that you don't feel the same? It's okay we don't need to have that because I've pretty got the message loud and clear. You and me – friends.”

“That's not what it is. You have to understand something, Kris. I am a relationship screw up. I'm needy and demanding and jealous. You know the friend side of me, the easy going, spontaneous person. You don't know the side of me that wants normalcy, who would love more than anything to be dull and boring, sitting at home on a Saturday night curled up with a crappy movie and take out.”

“Adam, you think you're the only person who wants those things? I've seen a lot of different sides of you, good and bad. If you let these kind of things control your relationships then no wonder why you suck at them.”

“Excuse me, I never said I sucked at them.”

“I know you used a lot more words so I rounded it up for you.”

Adam smiles. “You don't want to be in a relationship with me.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

 _“Why?”_

“Is this where I stroke your ego and then you let me fall flat on my ass?”

“No. I'm genuinely interested.”

Adam shifts on the swing, one leg either side of it and stares at Kris. “I'm not going to run off a long list of all the things I love about you, so you can forget that.” Kris smiles and Adam rests his head against the chain of the swing.

“There aren't specific things, Adam. I didn't wake up one morning and suddenly realise I love you – it happened naturally, gradually. Maybe I'm ahead of you or something, you're still waiting. It's the same with Katy. It's not like I suddenly fell out of love with her, it just happened. People change and grow. The fact is Adam when I look forward to my future the one thing other than my family that is a constant, is you.”

“I don't know what to say to that.”

“It's okay. I'm just putting it out there. I might as well right? I've already made the biggest declaration by dropping everything and coming here. Why not put myself completely out there?”

“It's not that I don't love you. After my family you really are the most important person in my life... I just really don't want to screw up such a good thing. I know I manage to somehow stay friends with my ex's but... nothing is ever really quite the same you know? You can be friends but it certainly doesn't mean that person is in your life as much as they were. I love that I can call you and you'll be there for me. I don't like thinking that if we screw this up, that might not be there anymore.”

“You're afraid it won't work. You and me.”

“Aren't you?” Adam shuffles his feet slightly and pulls the swing forward, leaning closer to Kris. His hands find Kris's face and force him to look at Adam. “Aren't you afraid?”

Adam's fingers are warm on his face and Kris can feel Adam's breath against his lips; it takes all his self control not to lean in. “Why do you do this to me?” Kris doesn't even realise he is the one who says it until Adam's hand stops like stone on his neck.

“I don't...”

“You're afraid but... when you do this and look at me like that. Do you know how that feels? I mean... if you don't want me then why was I the one you called that night? You don't remember but there has to be some part inside you that wanted to call me. You could have called anyone, Tommy, Monte... they're all a lot closer than I was... why was it me?”

“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have asked you to come here like that. I just...”

“I don't want you to be sorry that you called me. I want to be the person you call. I just want to know why.”

Adam is silent for an unreadable amount of time. His eyes search Kris face for some kind of sign of defeat. But if Kris is going to get rejected he wants a better reason than being afraid. He knows Adam better than that and he certainly isn't the kind of person who will walk away from something because he is scared it might not work out. Kris lifts his hand and rests it against Adam's face, mirroring Adam's on his. He moves his finger slowly, tracing it delicately across Adam's lips. He can see the scattering of freckles across Adam's bottom lip. Adam is still touching him; he can totally get away with it being innocent, a friendly gesture or just pure curiosity. He takes his time tracing his finger against the softness of Adam's lips. He has a feeling he won't ever get this chance again. He is already pushing his luck so he wants to take in the moment completely. He lets himself think about what it would be like to lean close and lick across the freckles.

“Kris...”

“Sorry...” Kris snaps his hand away. _Time's up._

“No.”

Adam lets the swing fall back and he flips his leg over and stands up. Kris is about to get up as well when Adam grabs hold of the chain on Kris's swing and stops dead in front of him. “I do remember calling you.”

Adam whispers the words in the darkness but Kris hears it more clearly than anything else he has ever heard in his life. “I wanted you to be here with me. I was lonely and miserable, which is just ridiculous because I have everything I want in my life. But... all I could think about was the last time I saw you and how awful I was. I kept thinking what if that's the last time? What if Kris moves on and gets over me and all I am is a memory of somebody he used to know once? It kept me awake at night. I just wanted to get away from the whole tour life for a few nights and I ended up here. I got drunk and stared at your number for like two hours before I called. You are the person I want to call; it's why I called you. I wanted you to be here with me, I always want you here with me.”

“Come on.” Kris stands up and there is barely any room between the two of them, Adam is still gripping on tightly to the chains and Kris is trapped on either side of Adam's arms. Kris doesn't want to talk about this here, he can barely make out Adam's face in the dark night. He wants soft lights and Adam close to him and there is still too much hesitance in Adam's eyes for that right now.

–

The hotel room is warm and bright. There are new sheets on the bed and soft white towels in the bathroom. Kris contemplates making excuses and hiding out in the bathroom for a while just to think things over. Adam is this looming presence behind him though and when the door shuts it seems like whatever was stopping Adam has left him and suddenly his hands are everywhere. Kris is fighting within himself, because Adam's touch is enough to make him melt and lose all self control but there is still a brief flicker of anger that just won't fade away.

“Adam.”

“Hmm?” Adam kind of murmurs something against Kris's neck and that's when Kris pulls away abruptly.

“I'm still mad at you.”

Adam's hands fall away and Kris hears a dull thud as Adam's back hits the door. Kris doesn't turn around to look but he feels Adam's eyes on him as he takes off his shoes and jacket. Then with a heavy sigh he turns to see Adam looking torn and desperate. “I'm not mad that... I just...”

“For how I treated you after you told me how you felt.”

Kris nods. “I know I could have picked a better surrounding and it was a PR disaster but I don't regret doing it. Not for one second. That was one of the only times in my life when I let myself be really out of control and just feel what I felt and I won't apologise for that. I don't care if you were embarrassed or...”

Adam steps forward quickly. “I was not embarrassed. I don't want you for one second to think that. What you did... it surprised me yeah but there was nothing wrong with what you said or did. I acted like an asshole. I was scared and stupid and I am sorry. You know what you said about falling in love with me... it not being this realisation that it just sort of crept up on you and grew into that? That's exactly how it was for me. Even back when we first met and I had a crush on you, that's honestly all it was, I mean pretty much all of America had a crush on you so I had no idea why me having a crush on you was so interesting. We saw each other a few times that next year and we called each other a lot, then I remember going like 2 months without even speaking or seeing you and Kris... I hated it. I didn't even realise how long it had been but it felt like a lifetime. Then we went to that party at Ryan's house you remember? And we locked ourselves away upstairs and got drunk on that peach Vodka. I was so happy, ridiculously happy. But even then I didn't realise, not through all of those things I just thought... _it's Kris_. He understands better than anyone how I feel and... then that Idol reunion party... when you kissed me I didn't even realise how much I wanted that until I had locked myself away in the bathroom like an idiot.”

Kris smiles, because after the crazy length of what Adam just said it is really hard to do anything but. Kris is sure he heard in a roundabout way that Adam loves him. Kris steps forward and ignores the way Adam is looking down at his feet nervously, he is so aware that he put that all out there to Kris. He has never seen Adam this way, there's a strange vulnerability to the way he is acting and Kris thinks it irresistibly endearing.

“Okay... I'm less mad now.”

Adam smiles and steps closer, his confidence creeping back in quickly. They both walk at the same time until they meet in the middle and Kris anticipates a frenzy of touch and feelings but instead it's a slow, long build up. It's actually not what he expected from himself, he thought when he finally got to touch Adam with nothing held back he would want to be everywhere all at once but he finds he just wants to take his time and mark out skin, with lips and hands. He can feel Adam's impatience as he pulls at Kris's shirt but Kris is too focused on the freckles on Adam's arms. He lets Adam control how and when they lose their clothing, Kris gets too distracted with every new bit of skin Adam reveals. It turns out Adam is very good at keeping focused on the task at hand. Kris is happy about that because he has a feeling Adam won't stop distracting him for a very long time.

Even when they are down to nothing, standing face to face completely bare they still haven't kissed. Kris's eyes travel across Adam's body and he lets his hands touch to where his eyes go next. He likes the look of Adam's pale skin against his darker tone, the way the light blends them together making them one. Adam hums softly when Kris hands trails down his stomach and presses down, massaging in slow circles.

Kris licks his lips, already thinking ahead to what will happen next, and as usual Adam is focused and aware. He presses their bodies together and locks his lips against Kris's. Kris loses his footing slightly because he wasn't expecting it, the air sucks out of him and his body reacts by holding onto Adam tightly and pulling himself up. He feels like he is climbing at Adam waiting for him to get the idea. He does though and quickly. Adam pulls Kris up and immediately Kris wraps his legs around Adam, letting him carry him to the bed. They fall down together, a tangled mess of limbs, the only sound is their giggles in between kisses.

There is too much Kris wants, so much more to be explored but the moment is so intense and he is so aware that it's Adam. _Him and Adam_. They both get their release like that, grinding into one another, wet kisses and fingernails biting into skin. It's beautiful and euphoric. It feels like something real is beginning. When Kris is scooped up in Adam's arms, looking into his eyes he can't see any fear there at all. He sees his friend and future.

\--

Postcard from Boston!


End file.
